briefly acknowledge

There are far too many wonderful, beautiful people in one place in Denton, Tx.  Far too many to be sustained.  So much joy and so much personality.  So many lives building up others and creating merriment.  If ever a place did steal my heart and hold it captive, it is Denton, Tx; and all those who dwelt therein played their part.  Some remain and some have gone; all have changed and grown.  With occaissional updates my heart delights in the stories of their lives, and a longing to take part in their joy swells.  A part of me wishes to be immersed in their worlds, but I know that is far away now.  There are things about the way a person lives the life God gives them that provide for that person’s joy and happy times, and I slowly pay more attention to it’s necessity.  But how do you leave behind what has been so good and so joyous and so rich?  I have seen bits and elements of what the future heaven is to be like, and I long to return!!!!  This drives me to near insanity; at times, to depression, and at others to quiet numbness.

My hope is that one day I can use my memories and experiences to paint grand illustrations of truth and beauty for others who so despirately need it.  I have to believe that the Lord can and will do great things here, in this place, in this time!  -Else I go into outright depression and live in memory until my life is wasted!  Greater things must yet be to come!  Greater things must yet still be to be done here in this city!  God forgive me and work in me again to witness to your truth.

when scandal turns trite

My soul longs to know more of God.

stew, murky and muddled

I must admit that my lack of writing here this past month is partially due to a paper journal that I’ve begun.  We shall see how long that endeavor lasts.

I have to admit, as well, that I’ve found myself living with a certain philosophy that I would deem stifling.  Today I didn’t do much, and most days I don’t, but not because there’s not something out there to be doing; more because I’ve bought in to the idea that the life to be lived is to be a little more simple (simple meaning boring or limited).  I see no way out of where I am in life currently, as God has provided a way to go to school yet another semester, and so I hope and may soon pray that this would only be a time to learn those parts of life which are necessary, but skeletal none the less; parts that include disciplines like faithfulness and self-motivation, and others that govern a person’s character.  I hope that this time will strengthen what needs to be, and then pass on so that a new time of growth can begin to revive my spirit and bring flesh to life once again. -Moving, beating, juicy; rich with new aroma and energy!

And in my place I have met others with the same need.  The need for renewed vitality and meaning!  If I can, I intend to begin enjoying life again soon, but if I can’t, or if this season should linger, then when you see me next, challenge me.  Ask if I have enjoyed life that day or that week.  I know there’s so much more to life than what my small world holds now, and I need to get through the glass walls before my air runs out or my spirit dies entirely.

But come now!  There’s much to learn and much to be thankful for!  Up until yesterday I couldn’t attend school, but through God’s favor and faithfulness, his loving-kindness, I’ve been given a way and I’m happy about it.  Another semester to learn and absorb; another chance to stretch and grow in ways that only this opportunity provides in such a concentrated dose!

I will say this about this summer:  I’ve asked far more honest questions and dealt with them more honestly and forthrightly than I have in a while.  Some things seem too risky or simple to ask when you’re around an educated bunch of people… but I think I’ve partially suffocated my faith in simply applying the standard answers without much searching and probing.  Hell, I think it might help just to have some people around who challenge me more openly.  Maybe if I use less commanding tones it’ll help that… God knows.

Surface thoughts… Maybe I’ll keep my deeper thoughts on paper and one day give them to my bride to be.  Then she’ll really know what goes through my head.  Oh, to know and be known!  God knows me.  Maybe I need to reacquaint myself with who God is…